So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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