look no pants
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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