How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
