My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
