the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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