Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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