I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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