Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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