Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
