you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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