i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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