He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When did angry sex become our thing?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
