the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
