Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize