so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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