Cold hands, warm shart.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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