Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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