The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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