This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
