I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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