i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
