So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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