I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
