Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
