I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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