i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
