Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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