Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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