My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
