I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
