he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
