I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
