Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
