He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
