After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
