My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Porn is love you can see.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize