just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
