I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
