i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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