Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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