He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
