I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
