Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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