My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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