I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
