i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
