I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize