Its about making memories worth repressing
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
