Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
