Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
