he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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