this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
