I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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