tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
