Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
did i just pee glitter
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
