Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
