So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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