My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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