I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
