the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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