im about as happy as oj after his trial
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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