I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
