gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
