You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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