Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
