We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
