didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
