no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
