I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
