So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
