Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
