Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
