Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
