She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
