haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
