I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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