All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
