i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
