I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
