Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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