i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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