We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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