1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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