i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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