MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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