Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
