You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we're so committed to being not committed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize