Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
