I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
