you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
