I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
