I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
