she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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