please come you make the beer taste better
It was confusing and full of hummus
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
