Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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