I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize