think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just gift wrapped bread.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
