you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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