Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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