Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
