I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
