someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize