ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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