note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
